This is what exhaustion and dedication look like. Why, yes, that is a blanket-pillow-drape nap bed on the concrete floor under the X96 broadcast stage at Salt Palace for Salt Lake Comic Con. #FuckYeah20HourDays #radiolife (apparently @owlycatz tried to wake me up and I was so completely passed out I didn’t even noticed.)
And that right there is my biggest fear right now. That every three weeks I’m going to have a massive war raging inside my head, and the people who know are just going to get burned out and stop understanding.
I can’t fucking stand when people get selfish during radio events, especially big ones. There have been so few times that I’ve put myself before this line of work. I am currently failing all my classes because I’ve put this first, I have worked myself sick for this work, stayed up for days straight for this work, gone without food for hours on end in heat under extremely strenuous conditions for this work, I’ve missed family and friends for this work. So, if I walk over to make sure you’re doing your job, and you’ve already put away everything at one booth because you only want to run the one station booth that you’re directly involved with most of the time that’s not going to fly with me. I’m going make a bitch ass remark at you, and expect you to put as much effort forth as any of us have. Anyone that’s lasted in this has at one time or another given it almost everything they have, so don’t think you get to be selfish because it’s too hard to run two booths at once because you want to hang out with your friends. I just watched someone else, who drove 90 minutes just to be here and is on two hours of sleep, run three booths at run. So, don’t you dare complain that you have to run two booths. It’s not hard, step up and work as a part of the group. Don’t cop out of something because “it’s not your station” or “it’s too hard to run two.” Every one of these six stations is your station, and you best know everything about them. The reason I come at the highest recommendations of 99% of the people I work with is because I give everything I have to everything I do. If you’re not even going to give effort to one extra table, then don’t even bother with anything else.
***crush fairy strikes again***
This is the most adorable and cutest thing I’ve ever seen.
I actually did just tell someone I like them….
the whole thing blew up in my face and I almost quit my job. so, there’s that.
You know why I stay alone? It’s not because I’m ‘too busy to date’ or ‘focused on my career’ or any of the other bullshit I spout out on a regular basis. It’s because I have spent over a decade completely alone, I have no concept of relationships. I’ve spent 10+ years just hanging out in my head by myself. You know what being alone for that long does to a person? Nothing good, that’s what. I’ve become this broken monster, I’m a shell of a person. I don’t let anyone closer than my name anymore. When I do, it breaks both of us in the worst ways.
And that’s why I don’t date. Because I don’t think anyone deserves to have what I’ve become forced on to them. No one deserves to have all the sadness I’ve accumulated pushed on them by being with me. I can’t stand the thought of dragging someone down, so I don’t let anyone near.
That’s why I stay alone.